Who is to Blame?



A recent book caught my attention as I began to prepare for Yom Kippur. Office of Blame Accountability is a book that is the result of one giant road trip. The authors traveled the country asking people one simple but telling question: who do you blame for your problems? Some of the answers are funny, some shocking, and some simply so outrageous it’s hard to believe someone could really think their problems are caused by others. The book does illustrate one truth about people- almost everyone wants to blame someone else for their woes.
The concept of the book caught my attention as I reflected on the themes of the High Holiday season. Repentance, self-correction, forgiveness (and the ability to forgive,) are all common themes as we fast and pray that God give us another chance to get it right. The Hebrew word Teshuvah contains elements of all these words and more. Teshuvah, repentance, is a process- recognizing what you have done wrong and then creating an “action plan,” a self-imposed path to better living. This new plan is the whole purpose of the Penitential Season. We examine the ways in which we went wrong- how did we stray from our best intentions? How did we fall short of our greatest potentials? With God’s forgiveness and a new year of life ahead we still have a chance to make up for lost time. This mini-lesson in Jewish theology makes good sense- it is the core value of return and repentance. But wait- one little snag in the grand design.
Office of Blame Accountability documents one fact that makes Teshuvah very hard for most of us. When we finally get around to some Yom Kippur style self-scrutiny we cop out for the easiest excuse- “It’s not my fault, someone else is to blame.” Yes, we love those words! I did not create my problems, I did not make a mess of my life, I am not to blame for what I have done. Someone else is really to blame- not me. We fall into the trap on Yom Kippur- it is easier to pass the buck or point the finger. But if we choose that option we will never achieve Teshuvah, after all, why try to atone for something that is not your fault? If you truly expect to make things better in the year ahead don’t point the finger of blame unless you are standing in front of a mirror!
Blaming others… it is not just a religious pitfall. It is destroying our society by creating and nurturing a culture of victims- no matter what a person does, well you just have to understand, someone else is to really blame for his actions, he is just a victim. This attitude eats away at one of the noblest parts of humanity- personal responsibility.
In the year ahead we will face moments when someone else is to blame- we all have bosses, friends, and family. Sometimes they make decisions that affect what we do, that force us into situations in which we have to choose “the lesser of two evils.” The trick is to never tell yourself that they are to blame for all your choices. Our mistakes are our own- we have to accept the blame but we don’t have to live with the mistakes forever. We just need to acknowledge the things that really are our fault because those are things that we really control. That is real Teshuvah